To the Dad Who’s Not Sure About Hiring a Doula

(A note from a doula—because I’ve been where you’re standing.)

Hey there—I’m Patience, a professional birth doula. I know you might be thinking, “Why would we need someone else in the room?” or “Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do?” And we absolutely get that. Here’s what you need to know:

Many dads are skeptical.

Until the birth happens.

And then?

They’re the ones telling everyone afterward:

“We couldn’t have done it without her.”

“She made me look like a hero.”

“I thought I was just there to hold her hand, but I ended up feeling like I actually had a role.”

“She had our back the whole time—even when the room got chaotic.”

A doula doesn’t replace the mother’s birth partner. We help you be the rock she needs while keeping you grounded, informed, and confident—no guesswork, no pressure, no panic.

When labor gets intense, and your partner needs support physically, emotionally, or logistically, your doula is there to help you help her. We are your backup. Your birth language translator. Your calm in the storm. Your secret weapon.

You don’t need to be a birth expert—that’s my job. You just get to show up and be fully present.

Hiring a doula isn’t about luxury. It’s about being prepared.

And honestly? The best birth experiences we see are when the partner and doula work together. Total dream team.

How does a TENS unit work during labor?

A transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS unit) machine works by sending mild electrical impulses to sticky pads on your back, hips and glutes. These impulses stimulate nerves that run to the spinal cord and block the transmission of pain. They can be used for various types of pain, often back, neck or period pains. They are especially helpful for back labor. A recent study that compared TENS to injectable opioids found that TENS relieved pain just as well as the injectable opioids, but without causing side effects for the mothers and babies. So far, researchers have not reported any bad side effects on mothers or babies from using TENS during labor.

For more information on TENS:

https://evidencebasedbirth.com/transcutaneous-electrical-nerve-stimulation-tens-for-pain-relief-during-labor/

The Resting Phase During Labor

Have you heard about, experienced, or witnessed the Resting Phase during labor? ✨

10cm dilated does NOT immediately = time to push

Many times, this is the point in a psychological labor where things shift from being mother-led, to provider-led and coached. It does not have to be this way. Your body does not need coaching to know how and when to push. Sometimes this means a pause, rest or break before the final stretch. When your body and baby are both ready, you will experience an irresistible urge to push. Nobody knows when it is time aside from you.

"For many years there was no acknowledgment of this stage of labor in our culture. Once a Mother achieves complete dilation she is usually encouraged to begin to push out her baby. But in the holistic paradigm, this stage, which usually lasts about 20 to 30 minutes (but can be as short as 5 minutes or can last hours), is Mother’s time to regroup and collect her energies for delivery. Labor seems to stop; contractions literally stop or slow down and the Mother may fall asleep or fall into a quiet, meditative trance. Everyone waits in the hush until contractions resume."

"This is the period of great stillness and peace that occurs after transition. All becomes calm and quiet and the Mother knows that IT has happened. She knows she has found what she is looking for…her still place in the tempest and access to the soul of her baby. Both mother and baby are tranquil and serene, drifting toward the shores of home. She may choose to rest in the arms of her Partner or create a still place to recoup her energy. She is not finished with her travels – she must manage the breakers ahead – but right now she is in peace. This is one of the most important parts of labor."

From "The Holistic Stages of Birth", by midwife Whapio the Matrona.

I recommend anyone who is pregnant, or a birth worker to read the whole text available online.